Over the past months, Trevor has been inundating me with new findings/theories he has researched about many issues.  Most of the time I just feel bombarded by the magnitude of information and general skepticism, negativity, and paranoia I sense.  I would like to be more open to hearing these viewpoints without being inundated with too much to take in.  I want to be able to hear the arguments with both sides addressed, otherwise I sense the need to play devil’s advocate, which I don’t actually want to do.  The position I often find myself in is one of defensiveness, which leads to so much anxiety, thus I choose to just shut down and shut out any new information.  My desire is to be open, but not to be unwise and accept anything put before me.  The following are some of the key issues Trevor has brought before me of late and some of my thoughts on the issues.

Government conspiracies, 9-11 fallacies, childhood immunizations, Genetically Modified Foods, Growth Hormones in foods, Organic foods, and High Fructose Corn Syrup are a few of the issues Trevor has been poring over researching in the recent months.  

When I think of the government conspiracies and potential 9-11 fallacies/lies, I don’t actually remember all of the issues Trevor mentioned.  I was too set on not wanting to believe that our government could be so corrupt, that I had a hard time hearing and actually listening to what he said.  It is so stressful to me to think about the state of our government being one we can not trust that I would rather not think about it.  However, I realize that this is just bringing about ignorance.  I do not, on the other hand, want to immediately believe the arguments I hear simply because one person’s voice is remotely convincing.  I really need God’s wisdom in deciphering the truth, then the guidance to know what to do with whatever that truth is.  I know that, even if these conspiracies and lies are true, I can not stress over it, because God tells us not to be anxious about ANYTHING (Philippians 4:6-7).  My question is: what should I believe and what should I do with the truth I find?

Childhood immunizations are a huge stressor.  With Amabella being a year old now and the new baby to arrive any day, immunizations are an issue often on the forefront of my mind.  Again, I often feel inundated by Trevor’s strong opinions based and what I sense may be very little research.  I need strong evidence and a well-stated argument that brings in both sides of any issue to feel like I can make an educated decision.  I know that both Trevor and I are very concerned about our children, which is why he has taken so much time and energy researching immunizations and their negative effects.  I feel very torn.  We gave Ama her 2, 4, and 6 month immunizations and waited on her 1 year ones.  Trevor shows great concern that the immunizations might actually be more harmful for her than helpful.  He argues that the chances of her getting one of the illnesses she would be immunized against is so slim, that the risk of the immunization is worse.  He also believes that the drug companies are simply pushing vaccinations/immunizations to keep themselves in business and don’t actually care about the well-being of the individual.  He also argues that most doctors would also push these vaccinations because they in turn make more money by having them administered and/or could get in trouble for not promoting the vaccinations.  I understand his viewpoint, but I also see another side.  I see the side of one who feels like she could not forgive herself if she chose not to vaccinate, and then her daughter dies or gets terribly sick from something that there was an immunization for.  On the other hand I could not forgive myself if I allowed my daughter to be vaccinated and then she died or got terribly ill from the immunization.  I feel like a rubber-band stretched in both directions, about to snap.  I want what’s best for my child, but I don’t know what that is.  I, therefore, agree with Trevor’s concerns that risk of administering an immunization if frightening, but I also have a concern that the risk of not administering that immunization could be dangerous as well.  Maybe I am naive, or just not immediately skeptical, but I don’t believe that the initial reasons for beginning immunizations was to make money.  I believe there was a real need and doctors or scientists found a way to prevent serious illnesses, which is why some previously prevalent illnesses are no longer rampant in our country.  I believe that, at that time, if there was a risk of some deaths in those being immunized, that the benefit for the majority was seriously considered and decided to be worth the risk.  Now we have very few cases of these major illnesses, so perhaps immunizing is unimportant, but it is only unimportant because of those immunizations put in place many years ago.  On the other hand, I agree that perhaps drug companies are pushing some immunizations for their own financial gain.  They clearly see some benefit in some of the newer immunizations, but perhaps they are pushed so strongly due to drug companies and the medical industry’s want for money.   I see no need for a one-year-old, for example to receive a Chicken Pox or Hepatitis A vaccine.  I agree that these are beneficial immunizations for some individuals, but not generally for a young child.  I also feel that I can trust my daughter’s pediatrician and sense that he is really wanting what is best for my daughter, otherwise why did he choose pediatrics over general medicine or another specialized area?  I value his input as well.  Again, both Trevor and I want what is best for our children, but I hate the tension in trying to decipher what that is.  I know that if Trevor is supposed to be the head of our family, I need to submit to him.  However, I want to really understand his reasoning and have us come to a clear consensus, so there is no division, tension, or animosity between us, especially if something were to happen to our child, that we would stoop to blame the other spouse, because we were on the same page.

Other issues we have discussed once Ama started to drink formula, then eat baby food, and now drink milk and eat regular food include Genetically Modified foods, growth hormones in foods, and organic foods.  Trevor has shared many concerns about consuming foods that are genetically modified or were produced by an animal injected with growth hormones.  I wasn’t ever too concerned about these things.  I felt like, if I grew up and lived through eating/drinking these things, what would the problem be now.  However, I understand that there is much more GM food now as well as animals almost always being given growth hormones.  Again, as we think of the health of our children, we begin to consider what we want to permit to have go into their little bodies.  We have been given a very important, nay vital, job to raise our children to the best of our abilities and what we feed them is part of that.  Our daughter can’t make choices like this for herself yet and she trusts that we are doing what is best for her.  I don’t recall all of the adverse affects of GM foods and eating and drinking foods from animals given growth hormones, but I know that I was in agreement with Trevor.  I don’t think my viewpoint is as strong as his, but I see his point and see no reason to oppose it.  I support his attempt for our family to try to eat as much organic, non-GM, and non growth hormone foods and beverages.  I realize, however, that I do eat and drink some things that don’t follow our new rule, and I allow Ama to have these periodically as well, but being more aware of our food and drink consumption can’t be bad for us.  Sometimes I feel Trevor is going a little overboard on his desire to have these items, but I can live with that.  I do put my foot down with some things, such as “if It’s bad for me, it’s bad for me, I don’t need it to be bad for me and organic.”  So, having a soda, which is bad for me will be a cheap non-organic soda, not an organic, still unhealthy, very expensive generic cola.  

On the subject of sodas, Trevor’s latest issue is High Fructose Corn Syrup.  He has always argued that it is bad for you, which I can’t argue with, but now he argues that we should never consume it because some HFCS contains mercury.  I absolutely, entirely agree that HFCS isn’t good for us and that mercury is very bad for us to consume, but I’d rather get informed about which products or companies have HFCS containing mercury and completely avoid those, then use moderation in consuming HFCS in other products or by other companies.  I don’t want to be unwise and irresponsible, by I don’t want to be unrealistic either: I like many items containing HFCS and would like to periodically consume them.

Overall, I am thankful for my husband who really cares about the best interest of his family.  He now owns guns to protect us, we have food storage in the event of an emergency, and he is seeking to provide the healthiest environment and life for his family.  I respect his motivation and concern.  I, however, still struggle to be convinced in some of the issues he brings before me.  As I mentioned, I am still skeptical about the government conspiracies, 9-11 falacies/lies.  I am reluctant to fully agree with his viewpoints on immunizations.  Yet, I am in nearly full agreement with his view on our food and beverage consumption.  

I want to be a respectful, supportive, and appropriately submissive wife, while being informed, sharing my ideas, and being a wise influence for both my husband and my family.  As Oswald Chambers wrote in the devotional dated January 27, “whenever there are competing concerns in your life, be sure you always put your relationship to God first” (My Utmost for His Highest).  I want to seek to do this.  My deepest concern is to know what God wants for us.  I want to have His wisdom, not rely on strictly human intelligence, and I want His guidance for each little (and big) thing in my life.  “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed” (Proverbs 16:3).

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